It's a gray, bleak winter day, much like many of the days I've spent at home during my maternity leave. I'll be completely honest and admit that some days it's a little depressing; in the last two months, I've gone entire days without seeing the sun. Several days in a row, in fact. That's enough to put just about anyone in a funk. Luckily, I have a new baby to cuddle and love and see grow right before my eyes, which really does a pretty good job of combating the winter blues.
Here's the thing about babies, though - they sleep. A LOT. In fact, that's exactly what my 8-week old beautiful bundle of joy is peacefully doing as we speak. And, okay, I know that everyone always says "sleep when the baby sleeps," but I'll be quite honest with you (and don't hate me for it), my daughter has been good about sleeping at night pretty much from day one, so I really haven't needed to nap during the day. There have been some bad nights/days and I have felt some form of sleep deprivation, but for the most part I've had it pretty easy (so far). So, instead of sleeping when she sleeps (at least for now), I'm writing a blog. Because rather than sleep away this gloomy day, I'd much prefer to spend it doing the one thing I love more than almost anything in this world.
I know that I've previously blogged about why I wanted to self-publish, but today I'd really like to get even deeper than that; I'd like to tell you where my passion for writing comes from, why I continue to pursue it, where it began and how it's changed throughout the years. Maybe you don't care, and that's fine (I'm not forcing you to read!). But maybe you do. Maybe you're looking for some motivation to get back to doing something that you love in your own life, and maybe this could be it. I don't know. I just feel compelled to tell you about it, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Now, I could go on for hours about the writing "accomplishments" I've had over the years and the memories that go along with them, but I won't bore you with all of that. Though I'm not very good at keeping anything short, I'll do my best to do it now...
In 2nd grade, I entered a contest the newspaper was running where they printed three pictures and asked the contestants to write a story based on one of the pictures - whichever one of the three they chose (it was some sort of play on "a picture says a thousand words" or something). I chose to write about a picture of two boys playing basketball. I'll never forget the excitement I felt when my mom picked me up from school, newspaper in hand, showing me that I was one of the winners. They'd published the story I wrote about those two boys. In the newspaper(!). I couldn't believe it.
Fast forward a few years to 5th grade, when I wrote my first chapter book (Apache Dreams was the title). This may sound weird, but the one thing that I remember the most about it is how much fun I had writing it. I would literally come home from school every day and run to my room so I could sit in bed/against the wall/near the window and write more of the story. I still have the original draft of the book; it's completely handwritten, in sloppy, hurried cursive, on different colored sheets of paper because I just wrote on whatever I could find. That draft might very well be my most prized possession, and that story will always have a special place in my heart. It was when I finished Apache Dreams that I knew: one day, I wanted to be a published author.
In the years since then, I've probably started a thousand stories, sewn the beginning threads of hundreds of stories that still mill around in my head somewhere. The truth is, I probably won't finish the majority of them...to be honest, there are some stories that just aren't meant to be written. I may revisit one or two at some point. We'll see.
As I got older, I'll be the first to admit that there came a time when I lost track of what was important. I'm not talking about a job, or a car...not even a house, not even money. I'm talking about happiness.
They say that, as we get older, we lose the creativity that we had when we were children. I disagree. I don't think we ever "lose" it. We may misplace it, may push it to the back of our minds or cover it up with the piles of "stuff" in our lives, but I think it's always there. Just waiting to be rediscovered. Writing lets me hold on to the creativity in me, to that childhood ability to make believe. And there are times when I let the stresses of the every day get to me, but in the end I'm never as happy as I am when I'm writing a story that I love. That I hope the world will love, too.
I wouldn't be surprised to hear that, if you like to read (or watch movies, or play video games), you probably like to do so because they allow you to, for however brief a time, escape your every day routine, to take a little break from life in general. We all need that from time to time. Life is hard, even when it's easy. Personally, I've loved to read for as long as I can remember. I love getting to know the characters, love just getting lost in their stories. I guess it's no wonder that there came a day when I discovered that I didn't just want to read about characters that other people had drawn up...I wanted to create my own.
So, where reading or movies or music or video games (or any other hobby that you enjoy) may be an escape for some, writing is that for me. It takes me to a place that moves a little slower than the real world, a place where there are no rules or expectations, where I can erase pasts, create futures, stretch out moments that never seem to last long enough.
Nightfire, both the first book and now, as I'm continuing to write it, the entire series, has shaped me so much...not only as a writer, but as a person. For all of the stories I'd started and stopped, all of the characters I'd introduced but abandoned, this story was the one that I held onto, the one that brought me back to the person I was when I wrote Apache Dreams, to the girl that held a gift so powerful it could only have come from God.
There are always potential regrets surrounding the things we'd like to do in life. Don't let them consume you. It is NEVER too late to do what you love. The past year has given me everything I've ever wanted and more, and I will never, ever tire of hearing how much someone enjoyed a story I've penned.
It may have taken over 15 years, but I'm finally doing what I should have been doing all along. It's not always easy, but it's absolutely worth it. Trust me.
Your big dreams will always scare you, but don't give up; they'll also excite you, amaze you, and change your life in ways you never thought possible.
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