"Crush Back."

Today is a writing day. I knew it the second I woke up. I could just feel it, in the back of my mind, in my bones. My characters are ready for me to write the next chapter of their story. So, later today, when my daughter takes her afternoon nap (which tends to be her longer of the two she takes throughout the day), I'll put her down, give the monitor to my husband, lock myself in our bonus room with my laptop and write until she wakes up.

It's much more difficult these days to not only find time to write, but to actually WANT to write when I actually do. In fact, there are many more days that I don't do any writing than days that I do. The truth is, life is never easy, but I'm in a place where it's particularly trying right now. On top of being a mom to Zoey, my adorable almost 8-month old daughter (which takes up quite a bit of time on its own), I'm also very busy with my full-time job. Here lately, I've also experienced some difficulty in my personal life.

I won't lie. I got to a point (in the last week, as a matter of fact) when I almost made the decision to postpone Phoenix indefinitely. It broke my heart to even consider it, and I didn't want to make a decision like that lightly. I'm so in love with the Nightfire story, and I want so badly to be able to tell it...but I want to tell it right. I'd really started to doubt whether I was in the state of mind to be able to do that. I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about what to do.

When I woke up this morning, I knew the answer. Writing is what I love. In a time when I feel so lost, drained and afraid, I NEED this. Writing fictional stories won't cure diseases or take away the stress I'm carrying around right now, but it will allow me the escape that I need in order to properly deal with those things.

In realizing this, I remembered something that one of my favorite college professors* wrote on my Facebook wall years ago. I've (obviously) never forgotten about it, though I doubt he has any clue how much of an impact his words made on me. I'd written a post about my job at the time. It said "This place is crushing my creativity."

Dramatic, I know, but I was young and still figuring myself out. Some people might not have thought twice about it, some may have rolled their eyes, some may have thought to themselves that there's no room for creativity in adult life (sadly, I do actually know people who believe this to be true). But my professor wrote something that granted me the perspective I needed to move forward, and every time I feel like giving up, I remember his response to that post.

"Crush back."

Two words. Two simple words issuing a charge I hadn't expected but needed so desperately.

Today, I'm issuing that charge to myself again, and if you're going through something similar, I challenge you to do the same. Even on days when it may feel like life is crushing us - for me, my ability to write, to create, to do what I honestly believe I was born to do - we have to keep going. We have to push ouselves.

We have to crush back.

*I must give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Dr. Jeffrey Timmons for the timeless advice that has helped me so much over the years!